Two Years Later
Hello, everyone.
It's been some time since my last post, and I apologize. Life is a complex, difficult thing, and the last two years have been filled with some strong ups and downs that I was truly unprepared for. Somewhere along the way, I've stopped drawing, writing, or doing much of anything that used to bring me so much joy. I made a post on my Patreon a while ago describing my feelings about art and how assigning monetary value to my work was beginning to wear on my mental health. In truth, my writing suffered as well; while I wasn't making any money off of my words, I started to feel as if my words no longer had value.
Some highlights that I can think of in the last two years that feel worthy of mentioning;
Next month, I will have been at my current job for two years (yes, this is the one that I dyed my hair black for). I've actually progressed from my original position into a promoted, better paying and more flexible position, and have survived a probationary period with this company twice. It's a frustrating job with an occasionally stressful, toxic atmosphere, but I truly love what it is that I do there.
After my first time surviving probation, I dyed my hair red so as to have "fun" hair while still abiding by dress code. The second time I passed probation, I bleached my hair and coloured it pink. As you can see, the level of f*cks I give has dramatically decreased.
My relationship of almost three years ended; ultimately, it was a call I made after multiple unpleasant experiences caused me to realize that I was no longer happy with my partner, and hadn't been for some time. We ended amicably, though his family was less mature about the split than he and I were. Ultimately, I know it was for the best, and I think that breaking up had an undeniably positive effect on my physical and mental health.
In the year and a bit that I spent single, I learned a lot about myself. I no longer identify as asexual, instead sitting somewhere between bisexual and solidly queer. I think I will always be a little bit demisexual, or somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, but I now understand that many of the reasons I thought I was asexual were actually symptoms of being in a relationship that wasn't working for me. I don't regret identifying as asexual, because it was the best label for me at the time. I still identify as non-binary.
I learned the hard way to listen to my tarot cards when it comes to potential romantic conquests. I entered a physical relationship with a man I later discovered was married, though I had no idea at the time. It took me a long time to forgive myself and learn to trust anyone again after that.
On the topic of tarot cards, I've started to more openly embrace witchcraft and spirituality. I'm still not really sure what it is that I believe in, but it's nice to believe in something rather than nothing.
I've started writing again, and in typical Danon fashion, I can't do anything in halves; I've been idly working on three or four things at any given time, usually while drunk, because evidently I have no chill ever.
My goal for the foreseeable future is to update this blog more often, because truthfully I really do want to get back into regularly blogging -- about autism, sexuality, chronic illness and all the nuanced little things in between. I do hope that my words might bring information and reassurance to someone who might need them, as I have gained from others with similar experiences to me.
I want to go back to doing things because I want to do them, whether that's drawing, writing, blogging about my newest obsession, or idly unpacking my thoughts as a now young adult navigating a world that wasn't quite designed for someone like me. I hope to touch base with you all again soon.
With love,
D
